Please help my petty soul?

I need someone to tell me something to stop me from doing this, im going to kill myself, but i dont want to do it, but i do, ive been deeply in love with my best friend for nearly six years now, im gay, and hes not, hes christian so its impossible, but i dont want to live if i know im just gonna see him in love with other girls, i feel sick to my stomach everytime he looks at me disgustingly when i do something "gay". i really dont like anyone else and i try to erase hi from my thoughts but its impossible, my petty 16 year old brain cant cope with this any longer, im not getting a phsyciatrist or whatever they are called, i never sleep, my eyes burn non stop, i dont know how another human has got me so trapped, its like im being controlled, i try to hypnotise myself into thinking its not that bad and im being a baby, but when i see him, i could just drop dead, i told him once, and he nearly cried, the look on his face killed me, ive even tried watching snuff films on the internet to make myself realise that there is alot worse things happening, but its impossible, if anyone has even bothered reading to the end of my pathetic sob-story, tell me why i shouldnt just end it all